Written by Dick CarlsonI suppose that I spend more time at big trade shows than a lot of people. Over the last few years, I’ve either had a “STAFF” or “SPEAKER” or “ATTENDEE” badge hanging around my neck pretty frequently. This morning, I’m at BlogWorld in Las Vegas, and I’m feeling cranky about how all the same mistakes are made over and over and over and over.
I’m blogging because I was sitting in a big dark room with 200 strangers, listening to a guy at the front of the room drone on and on. It might have been good content, I really couldn’t say. I nodded off and (as I snore quite loudly) I jerked awake to stares and evil glares from those around me. I came to the lobby and bought a $5 cup of coffee, to see if I can make it to lunch. Part of me really wants to go out to the rental car and drive off somewhere interesting in the sun.
The show is about writing (blogging online) and it’s amazing that the way they’re sharing information is just talking. Not even any dreary PowerPoint slides to break up the monotony. Frantic vendors have tall blondes in high heels wandering the halls, smiling at the geeks and handing out printed brochures about online services. The “expo” hall has little cubicle booths in neat rows, where glazed-eyed sales droids hand out swag if they think you might be a prospect. (If you want to have fun, pretend that you’re a user of their product and aren’t happy with it. Tee hee hee.)
I really don’t mean this as a criticism of the BlogWorld folk, they’re a victim of monkey-see / monkey-do and have made a beautiful copy of all the other boring shows.
What would I do? Here are a few wild ideas that I’d like to see:
Whack A Vendor Arrange the sales droids in rows, and sell big foam hammers to the attendees. If someone receives more than ten whacks, we pull their booth.
Trade Show Idle Each attendee has to present his or her “talent” on stage — the winners get a nice lunch, the losers get the sandwich-in-a-box.
Musical Booths When the music plays, vendor booth staff have to walk around the expo hall — and when it stops, they have to staff whatever product booth they are nearest.
We Don’t Need Stinkin’ Badges Attendees are assigned a scratch-and-sniff odor for their badge, based on their status. Political bloggers, of course, would smell like bullshit. Vendors, stale sweat. Speakers, it would be Ruphinol. Authors of print books, decay. Convention staff, fresh green money.
Well, the coffee has kicked in. Off to the rows of people selling stuff I’ll never buy.
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